Quickie

3 days until Thanksgiving. I am pumped. Hopefully LAK will be able to come and visit for a day. As long as nothing dramatically wrong happens.

Today, work was boring. Scott made the schedule and he has no idea what to do. I don't know how he gets paid 100k a year. He doesn't do or understand anything.

I'm watching the World of Warcraft South Park episode. It's hilarious.

A New Leaf

To Update:

- Things are going well with LAK.
- I did a ride along with a distributor rep from PSS (Josh Hudgins) and it went really well.
- I went to AR for LeeAnn's birthday and it was one of the best overall times that we have spent together in a long time.
- This semester is almost over, thank God.
- I can't wait for Thanksgiving. And Christmas.


I wrote yesterday on paper about my life over the past few months being crappy. It was the result of my attitude toward a lot of things and life in general. I had a bad one. So yesterday I decided to change. I did what I will call a "Self Survey" and took a look at the real me from an outside perspective. Since I lie to myself about certain things, some of the stuff I discovered took me aback. However... there is hope! I have the ability to change my attitude about life. And it's really not that hard. It just takes a little work and determination. I want to say I will do my best at trying to maintain this but that isn't enough. I WILL continue to see life in a positive way. It is my choice whether or not things will be bad and I have no reason to complain about it or make excuses for it because I have the ability to change it. Short and sweet.

Long Time, No See

It's been quite a while since I did any sort of journaling. I have been getting away from certain things in my life lately and need to get back to them. This being one. At this very moment I am putting off studying for my Poli Sci final that I have in like 5 hours. I don't think it will be too difficult but I need to get at least a little studying in before I take it. I just have to memorize the answers anyway.

I am very ready to be done with school for this semester. Less than a week. Then I get a month off until I hit it hard for the summer. Luckily though, I get to go to the beach with LAK in May for a 7 night relaxation getaway. That is also something that I look very forward to. I am a little stressed out right now because I just overdrew my checking account, my face is breaking out, and procrastinating for finals just adds to that. I hate this apartment and cannot wait to get the hell out of here. I should be home free soon though because I am getting a loan that will take care of my money problems for now but will end up haunting me later I'm sure. Such is life.

Other than all that jazz, things have been going swimmingly. I really like working at Fox Den, although Mark left and now Scott (the head pro) is taking charge and changing everything for the worse. It appears that once again I am entering a job at the wrong time. Frito Lay, TREC, and this all have had managerial changes right after or right before I started working there where the new manager decides to go on a power trip and start making ridiculous demands when everything was completely fine before. Why fix something that isn't broken, huh?

I gotta get back to procrastinating. Hope to see you again soon, online journal.

More head garbage...

Once again procrastinating. Pro means good right? As I sit here and put off studying for this test I have in a few hours, I can't help but wonder why the world is so screwed up. It's going in the gutter. It's a downward spiral, a slippery slope, or a snowball effect. Whatever works for you. People are seriously fucked up in the head. There is no better way to put that. It seems like the more people I meet, the more turn out to have these deeply rooted emotional problems. Psychologists and psychiatrists must be doing very well these days, and should continue to do so because I don't see much of an end in sight. At least until God decides that he's seen enough. That day doesn't seem like it will be too far away.

People are made to have this twisted sense of reality and can't face true reality. They don't know how to deal with it because they think it's something else. And once this stuff gets ingrained in their heads from an early age it's impossible to convince them otherwise. So when they come in contact with situations in the real world they handle them in a not so realistic way. And then they suffer the consequences. What really is amazing is that, no matter how many times they go through this, they continue to do the same things that put them through the suffering. They cannot convince themselves that their way is the wrong way. They may recognize it but they can't change it. It is truly amazing how powerful the human mind is.

I really don't like politics. I'm in this class and the only thing I can think about is how messed up politics is. Government structures and society and all this other crap all have one major problem. They are controlled by humans. And no matter what, people ruin most of the things they create. And then a few good people fix everything for it to start all over again. I've been thinking a bit lately about idealism vs. realism and have noticed how realistic my thought processes are. I think this is very different from how I used to be a couple years ago. Somehow along the way I made the shift. I've talked to a few girls about their problems, mainly just listened to them, and noticed how ignorant they are to what the truth is about themselves and about the way they view the world around them. And then I kind of feel bad when I tell them the truth, because usually it's not good stuff. At the same time, however, I feel that they probably need to hear it at least once. I don't mind being the person that tells them because I think it does more good than bad for them to know. In the short run they may not like it and it may hurt their feelings, but in the long run it plants the seed in their head and maybe it can somehow help them in the future. I really hope that I haven't given anyone bad or wrong advice though. I know that that could mess them up even more. Especially if I tell them it's the truth when it's really not.

cant sleep

head garbage. thats what this is. just a release. i have no intention of going anywhere with this. i drank 7 bottles of water today. my wrist still hurts from landing on it but it is gradually geting better. i have a giant bruise on my arm from donating plasma and i really hope it goes away because it is freaking annoying. it hurts just enough to be a bother but not enough to get in the way. i want to go to bed but cant. my solution is to not get much sleep tonight so i can be tired earlier tomorrow night. perhaps not the best plan but it may work. i usually never follow thru on things like that. once i go to sleep i stay asleep for the most part. i need to be disciplined this week and not miss any class. i have to get my wisdom teeth out on friday. for some reaason i actually am looking forward to it. maybe because it means ill be home. my neck is still tight from flag football injury. i hope its nothing that i should have gotten checked out. i probaby need to go to the doctor. chiropractor. whatever. i feel like im typing in morse code by the clicking of the keys and whenever i hit the period its like when they would say "stop". so thats what i think about whenever i hit the period now. i say to myself stop. i got leeann a book called cuddle sutra for xmas and now its become a valentins day present. procrastination and indifference to gift giving on holidays.i want to be done with school but i hate going.i have to figure out a way to change my midset about it. that way i might actually want to go. it would make it easier. ill shoot for some sleep now. early morning tomorrow. im gonna get back in an excersising routine. lifting and cardio + basketball on the side. im going to get rid of my lovehandles.