Finals week sucks

With all that is going on in my life, I feel like it is necessary for me to try to clear my head before going to bed tonight. This is pretty important considering I haven't been sleeping much lately and could use a good nights sleep. So much is going on right now and I have to keep in mind that I cannot let it stress me out to the point that it interferes with my life. Which is what it was doing up to this point. So hopefully this helps.

I have a ton of school work left to do over the next 6 days. And I don't even know if that guarantees graduation for me. I've dug myself into a hole and have kept it to myself for so long that I feel like, at this point, it is too late to come out with the truth. I will end up in two scenarios which I know all too well. SCENARIO A: I miraculously pull the grades out of my ass that I need and graduate. No one will ever know how little I worked this semester and it can all be swept under the rug and I can move on with my life. SCENARIO B: The truth will reveal itself through the form of me not passing a class or some other thing like that and I will have to confront a lot of people about why I am not going to graduate.

I do this to myself. Why? I haven't quite figured that out yet, perhaps the result of an entire lifetime of bad habits in regards to school. I honestly can say that school is the only thing that this happens with. Every other part of my life is good, at least from what I can tell. Who knows though... maybe I am in denial about the whole thing and have yet to realize that I am this way across the board. It's left to be determined, I guess.

That's all for now. Hopefully I can get a good night of shut eye.

tuesday

sooo... i dont have much to say. not a whole lot on my mind. but i set a goal to write in this thing more often. and thats what im doing. its going to be a good day though. i can feel it. the weather is perfect. i need to go get my bike from campus. maybe i'll add more to this later today. until then...

Good Morning Goals

I set some goals yesterday and I am going to add to it today. I feel that in making these goals, I need to be as realistic as possible. Small changes in habits and such are primarily what I am after, but there may be a few that I think of that may be major.

1. No more porn. I have to get away from this. And I feel like it has to be something I overcome myself. Because if I depend on outside circumstances and influences to keep me away from it, then, when those things aren't there, it will be harder for me to resist. At least that's what I think.

2. Bed before midnight. This was my "New Years Resolution". I don't even think I accomplished this more than one or two times since Jan. 1. I did it last night, though. And I woke up at 7:30 feeling really good. That hasn't happened in a long time.

3. Journal more often. Even if it is a small little entry, it still is something that I think is really good for me. I've read that it helps with your memory, too. That is definitely something that I could use improvement on.

4. No more fast food, less eating out in general. I've spent a fortune on eating out throughout my life. Not only will it save me money, but it will force me to eat healthier as well.

5. Clean up the language. It would be unrealistic to try to cut it out completely, mainly because it comes out when I play basketball and it's so prevalent in my life around me. But it is something that I could minimize in everyday life and in casual settings.

Five things. I don't think that is too overwhelming. Although they seem minor, they won't be easy changes to make. However, they will benefit my life in big ways. I've skipped class to enjoy my morning. Priorities, right?